Thursday, February 16, 2006

I will send you a postcard that tells you everything about my day and answer all your questions in two lines about Lake Michigan

my mom was diagnosed. . .keep praying she needs you all.

i wish that the sky would have burst open today like it wanted to instead of getting colder. all of a sudden we are thrust into spring goodness and then just like that it is snatched away. i could have cried.

if it gets less chilly (or more warm) and the wind keeps its pace i want to go fly a kite with someone. i believe that would be a good way to spend the afternoon.

i read some collins today, here he is:

American Sonnet

We do not speak like Petrarch or wear a hat like Spenser
and it is not fourtenn lines
like furrows in a samll, carefully plowed field

but the picture postcard, a poem on vacation,
that focuses us to sing our songs in little rooms
or pour our sentiments into measuring cups.

We write on the back of a waterfall or lake,
adding to the view a caption as conventional
as an Elizabethan woman's heliocentric eyes.

We locate an adjective for the weather.
We announce that we are having a wonderful time.
We express the wish that you were here

and hide the wish that we were where you are,
walking back from the mailbox, your head lowered
as you read and turn the thin message in your hands.

A slice of this place, a length of white beach,
a piazza or carved spires of a cathedral
will pierce the familiar place where you remain,

and you will toss on the table this rversible display:
a few square inches of whree we have strayed
and a compression of what we feel.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Prayer, please

My mom is sick.

she's scared.

she's going to talk to one of the best doctors in the US tomorrow

please pray that the Lord will heal her.

Pray that God will help her.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Mushaboom, oh oh oh

there is something happening and it's big and it's exciting and today she told me that i was free and i think i needed only her to tell me because when she said it--it felt real, alive, and joyous. then another she told me that i need to rejoice and that rejoicing means literally to seek joy again after the drought. i am ready to share. peace be with you and gladly with me.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

May the Wind Take Your Troubles Away

it's sipping tea in the morning watching the sun breaks the horizon. turning the page to my favorite part. taking off all my clothes midday and dancing in my underwear. deciding to not regret this if it never happens. working on being better at doing instead of talking about doing. sucking up failure through a straw and then spitting it out-it won't ruin me, it can't ruin Him. wondering up all the what if's and then writing them all off. maybe writing a book. maybe writing more poems. getting published by march first- with andy and nicole. drinking less coffee. praying in the morning before i brush my teeth. praying. if you are in trouble and you come to me i am worthless but trust me, He isn't and He is here, there. it's knowing that it wasn't my fault. it's knowing that i can help other's like me. it's knowing that it hurts it feels bad but it will feel better some day. making sure that everyday isn't wasted in a furry of doubt, confusion, and pain. we can't change our past. we can't change what just happened. i can do better. i am better. it's knowing that i am loved.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Awakened

Sometimes all I need is someone to throw water on me and shake me out of my mess. This is where I turn to remember my Savior:

Psalm 104
O LORD My God, You Are Very Great 1Bless the LORD, O my soul! O LORD my God, you are very great!You are clothed with splendor and majesty, 2covering yourself with light as with a garment, stretching out the heavens like a tent. 3He lays the beams of his chambers on the waters;he makes the clouds his chariot; he rides on the wings of the wind; 4he makes his messengers winds, his ministers a flaming fire.


. . .

31May the glory of the LORD endure forever; may the LORD rejoice in his works, 32who looks on the earth and it trembles, who touches the mountains and they smoke! 33I will sing to the LORD as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have being. 34May my meditation be pleasing to him, for I rejoice in the LORD. 35Let sinners be consumed from the earth, and let the wicked be no more!Bless the LORD, O my soul!Praise the LORD!

Sunday, February 05, 2006

without a fork

I am poking at reality with a spoon . . . without a fork. Far and few between are forks. They can grasp with pertinence the realness of the bind I think I might not admit that I am in.

I can hide away all day and sleep it all away right?

I can parade with the rest of them, throw confetti, right?

I can just not pay attention to the real ________ at hand, and pretend that's it's just a hat and put it on a shelf and let it collect dust with the rest of my hats and leave it there in the spring when I take the rest of my hats down, right?

Or if I am feeling better tomorrow about it maybe I will whisper to God and then walk away from it again, thinking it's going to walk away too, but it won't because it never does and I can just trust that it will, except that trust is really in the person trusting. . .

and I may not be as trusting as I used to be, at least, not trusting in me.

I need to go tomorrow and find me a fork to grapple reality with.

Friday, February 03, 2006

How To Create a Dandelion Garden


step ONE:

purchase orange or brightly colored chinese boxes





step TWO:

buy dandelion seeds offline (or pick dead dandelions, depending on the season)

http://seedrack.com/10.html






step THREE:

borrow soil or buy it






step FOUR-SIX to come!!