Bippety Boppety Boop

Oh Cinderella is so cliche', but I would probably give a half a million to have a fairy godmother right now. I would ask for some new shoes (preferably flat soled and as cute as my kinzies) and then for some guidance. I do not think that I deserve to be in the position that I am in, and sure, I think that it all really just sucks. But am I doing the right thing? Fairy godmother??

Ick, I am so stupidly unstable right now.

I am going to try to start over. Friend L. said that I need to discipline my mind for the time being. I need to stop doing the things that enevitably wind up hurting me and then get on with life, as L. says, "doing the things you loved to do before this all started/ended/started again." She's right. What were those things?

park
friends
books
coffee shops
work
writing
poetry

I think I live somewhat too simply. I really miss the bustle of the city, the heighten sense of always having company even when you were lonely. When I felt alone I would just go to the park and sit under a tree with about a hundred other people around me. But yet, I was comforted there. I was still alone but still surrounded. I loved walking down my street, in my neighborhood, winding up in the busiest center of the world. I miss that. Then, I think, oh but I miss the lovlieness of home, the country, the solitude of the stars and the middle of the road.

Where is the middle? Where is happiness? Is it here or there?

I am a rambling mess and it is at times like this that I am truly fearful of the life I am living. Where will I be in two years and who will I be with?

Time moves too quickly.