Whoever said that it was better to lose love than to have never loved at all is very mistaken. It is not better to know love and then to begin to unknow it. Today is my first course...How do you completely abandon all the love that you have for someone? Especially all that future love you put your stock in. Stupid stock market. I have never been so hurt in my life. I chose to tell the man in question (the one I am in love with) that I would stay with him like I would if he were married to me...through it all. But he just doesn't know. He just doesn't know if I am worth it to go through some humiliation (b/c he did something wrong and I believe he must own up to it by resolving his mistakes instead of letting them dissolve). And I have friends who say its not worth it to stay, a beautiful mother who said I can come home if I want, and then me who is begging to not lose one of the best things in my life. How do you come to the point where it is okay to leave. He says he is sorry but doesn't want to resolve it. He doesn't want to tell the truth to the people involved. He would rather it just dissipate...but does that happen, really? You can bank on the fact that *she* is invested in something more and won't let it go. He wants until Sunday...not today or tomorrow but the end of the week to make a decision. How can it take someone a week to decide whether or not they love you enough?
This is a rant/this is not good. It's the only therapy I have right now. I suggested counseling. He poopooed it. I suggested "let's runaway together, start all over," he is tied by his responsiblities (which, by the way, is next to none). I suggested, "just tell the truth, let's redeem our lives," and he just said, maybe. Am I in the wrong? Am I acting out in anger in frustration? Am I asking him to do something ridiculously stupid?
Back to my question: May anyone who stumbles on this give me a response: How do you begin to unlove somebody?
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
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